A Controversial View on a Controversial Subject

I can’t imagine a day when talking about suicide won’t be a controversial topic but once again it’s been thrown into the air as something people are openly discussing on the back of the recent passing of Peaches Geldof. There’s no current evidence that her death was a result of suicide but due to the Tweet she posted the night before, speculation seems to be rife. I’m not especially interested in discussing what happened to Peaches as I think rumours are rather disrespectful when somebody’s family are grieving. However, the wider topic of discussion that this throws up is something that is always going to be interesting to me.

Today in the office, a couple of the team started talking about this and then discussing how selfish it is for a mother of young children to commit suicide. While I can see their point, I popped my opinion out there and I’m popping it out here again to see if I receive anything other than shocked responses. My opinion, and I promise this is the honest truth, is that it is more selfish for someone who is that seriously depressed to carry on than it is for them to move on to whatever comes after the life we know.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting this is a decision that should be taken lightly and that human life should be wasted but I do believe that people who have spent long enough wishing they weren’t alive will never truly come back. I’m talking about those who can’t get through daily life without throwing the lives of all others around them into disarray. Essentially, I’m talking about people who are like my own mother was. For a good 10 years, (the entirety of the time I remember when she was alive) she wasn’t right. The tiniest things would cause her world to collapse; the sausages not being defrosted leading to hours of tears and anger is one of my earliest memories of such behaviour.

As a child, this is distressing. You’ve no idea what to expect from your parent, no understanding of why they’re so different to everyone else’s parents and no idea what it is you’ve done to deserve having it all taken out on you. Now multiply those confusing feelings by 10 years and factor in physical violence but also mixed with a huge amount of love and I hope you can start to understand why my opinion on this is the way it is.

How can one person love you so much and be the absolute centre of your world, pushing you to be the best version of yourself you can be yet also be the person that screams at you when the car won’t start? Or the person who cries and then screams and then slams doors, punches worktops and shouts at you because they spilled their dinner. It’s a very strange world to live in, is that and to be perfectly honest, life is a lot easier without it.

So, for those on the outside looking in at a world they have no experience of, I challenge you to say that it’s always better for a suicidal person to keep pressing on now that you’ve had a glimpse of the reality. Yes, when a mother leaves her young children, they’ll probably never get over it but they’ll probably also never recover from the damage she could inflict by sticking around for an eternity. So what’s best? My opinion is that every situation is different and requires a resolution unique to itself but sometimes, the controversial answer is the right one.

I’ll never change what the masses think but I’d like to at least challenge it so here’s hoping I’ve achieved that today! X

 

P.S. – All of the above is an extremely moderate version of real events, so if my viewpoint seems extreme, consider the words I haven’t written as well as the ones I have.

No Likey, No Texty

It’s been a while since I really dipped my toe into the ocean that is dating and the main reason for that is simply that I’ve been busy with other things. Those other things have calmed down now though and I’ve reached the point where it would be nice to meet some hot, young men. I thought I’d pop out of my shell, meet some new guys and hopefully go on some fun dates; I haven’t even reached date stage and I’ve climbed back into my shell!

What has happened to the world!?! While I’ve been busy sorting out other areas of my life, it would seem that men have become more desperate, emotional and needy than ever. Obviously there’s the usual selection of bore-me-to-death chaps out there who I can barely sustain a 2 message conversation with…and they’re reassuringly constant. However there are also stacks and stacks of guys who want me to think about them every second of every day, message them constantly and fall in love with them before we’ve even met. WHERE HAVE THESE WEIRDOS COME FROM???

Take my latest example, this guy and I had messaged a few times and arranged a date for Friday. On Monday night he sent me a message which, to my mind, ended our conversation for the evening as it contained no questions, no obvious lead for further conversation and we’d been chatting a while. Midway through Tuesday I receive a message telling me I don’t say a lot. I replied, slightly confused and asked to what he was referring. I was told he had expected a reply last night or at least a “hello” this morning. From that point the conversation went roughly down the path of me saying that I was at work, didn’t have time to start a conversation and couldn’t see the point in saying something just for the heck of it. I was told I was arrogant, it’s clear why I’m single and I have no idea about basic human interaction. I’ve now blocked that needy weirdo from my WhatsApp because I got bored halfway through the argument which went round in circles.

The way I see it is, essentially, a guy I’ve never met expected me to message him in the morning just so he’d know I was thinking of him.

I wasn’t thinking of him.

I wouldn’t have thought of him until Thursday night when I realised I needed to wash something to wear on Friday night. I thought this was normal before a first date, I thought the crazy stalker-ville only kicked in once you’d had a chance to get to know someone well enough to miss them…apparently I thought wrong.

So between him and the snore-a-minute guys that I keep having the misfortune of finding, I’m pretty much done with that foray into the dating world. I’m not fussed whether I have a boyfriend or not, I just thought I might be missing out on some fun. It appears that is not the case so I’m backing up into my shell of singledom again and hoping that next time I pop out there will be some men who are bit more level-headed and at least meet me before they get obsessive and weird. The only sure thing here is that I’m now terrified that I’ve fallen into the pool of crazy undateables and I’ll never get out! x

What’s Appearance Got To Do With It?

The whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” thing is always a tough one as we seem to have a natural tendency to do just that. I think it’s partly human nature and partly the way we are bred. When we are children our parents tell us not to talk to strangers in case they are the bad kind of person that will hurt us. How do we determine strangers? Oh yes, based on what they look like; if we don’t recognise them, we should treat them as the enemy. It’s no wonder that we find it hard to shake that approach when we get into adulthood.

Even so, as adults most of us try and overcome our fear of the unknown and at least pretend that we aren’t judging people based on their appearance…except in the workplace. At work it seems to be totally acceptable to judge people based on their appearance. How often do people go for job interviews where the interviewer takes one look at them and decides they haven’t got the job before they’ve even had a chance to speak? We have all sorts of laws in place to protect people from this but I’m not talking about people who are disfigured or disabled in some way, I’m talking about people who just look different to what the boss expected. The girl with the green hair, the guy with the ponytail or even the guy wearing a pink shirt instead of a white shirt. These are the people who dared to be different yet are paying the price, sometimes unknowingly and it seems to be a completely acceptable part of our culture.

Does it really matter if the man who stands in front of you presenting a fantastic business case, dressed immaculately, speaking very articulately has a nose piercing? I would say not. I’d say I’d listen to him more because he looked more individual than some people. I’d also say that he immediately outshines the person who comes in with the average-to-badly-fitting suit without the nose piercing because he’s taken more pride in his appearance, put more thought into how he will be received. But the nose piercing? An extra hole in his nose…it’s getting in the way because that tiny hoop or stud is blocking a lot of people’s view of his talents.

Nowhere does the fear of the unknown seem so great than in the world of business, in this crazy corporate land where people are supposed to conform to some outdated set of ideals. We’ve ended up with 2 camps: the cool kids working for the tech start-ups and media firms who are forced to be more expressive than they feel comfortable with and the old-skool crew working in banking and suchlike who are supposed to speak with a plum in their mouth and wear ultra-shiny shoes. If you don’t fit the mould, you aren’t coming in. Your work ethic and your mindset are completely irrelevant if you don’t look the part because most employers are too scared to shake the tree. They’re too worried that their customers might run away if they employ someone who looks different.

Here’s a novel idea, how about people just employ those who can do the job well? Why don’t we give this engine a jump start, provide exemplary service and learn to deal with those who look different in work as well as outside of work. Surely anyone in their right mind would rather do business with somebody competent who looks a little different than an incompetent oaf with a side parting, black suit and white shirt!?!

Packing Up and Moving On

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’ll give you a little bit of context which is essentially that I am moving house at the end of this month. Anyone who would recognise my face on the street probably already knows this as I may have mentioned it once or twice :-)

Anyhow, as a precursor to moving, I have rather a lot of packing to do; a whole house and 2.5 years worth of packing to do if you want to be specific about it. Packing is one of those things which as a whole is a pretty dull task but actually, as you are doing it, it can be like a form of therapy. You look through things you’d forgotten were there and remember how you came to have them and what they meant to you at the time. Some of those things you decide to keep so you can relive that memory again and again and some you decide to say goodbye to as the significance of the memory has somewhat faded over the course of time. This is the process I am going through at the moment. I’m incredibly excited to be moving in with a friend and the flat we’ve chosen is lovely but even the walls of the house I live in now will be hard to say goodbye to.

You see my current house is the house where everything fell apart so spectacularly. It’s the place where I had to dig deep and find a strength I never knew I had so that I could rebuild my life in a way that actually worked for me. It’s also a place where I’ve been happy, honestly happy and without relying on anyone else for that happiness. I feel like the house has witnessed and supported me through a transition that I had no idea I was going to make when I moved in. It’s been my comforting shell, my safe place and also a sign to me of my independence. I chose to stay in this house, I chose the furniture that’s in it and I’ve chosen the people that have been allowed through its doors.

When I moved in I was pretty much walking along a tightrope of sanity, literally one little wobble and I was over the edge and completely floored. I didn’t really realise it at the time though, it was how I’d been for most of my life and I hadn’t noticed the tightrope getting thinner and thinner. I’m pretty sure it had started as a full on bridge but each fall had chipped away at it and the falls had been getting more and more painful. I was waiting for the day when someone would come along and fix everything, tell me that things would be ok and take control of my life for me. It was only during my time in this house that I had the realisation that I could re-build my tightrope each time I climbed back up and now it’s a huge platform, I haven’t even found the edge yet because it’s that big. Seriously, massive! I can lose my footing any number of times and still not fall. 

So now I’m clearing out my house and it’s reminding me of how I was when I moved in and how much more content I am now. To leave feels a bit strange and a tiny bit of me worries about finding the edge of my huge platform, but the majority of me is looking forward to finding the edge so I can look over without fear. Thank you house, you’ve been truly awesome and I hope the next people to live here appreciate just how comforting your bricks and mortar are. It’s time for me to move on up now but I’ll be sure to stop by and check they’re treating you right every now and then x

Beating the Loneliness

Inject Some ColourDo you ever have days when you just feel “meh”? Sort of lonely, tired, worn down and just a bit like you’re all alone in the world despite knowing you have loads of lovely people around you. It’s horrible and what I hate about it most is the way it just creeps up on me from nowhere, really and truly like I’ve just got out of bed on the wrong side…except I always get out on the same side so I’m not 100% sold on that being the cause ;-)

I spend the day feeling like there’s some kind of barrier between me and the rest of the world and by the time the evening comes round I tend to curl up on the sofa and hide away in front of rubbish TV. But that’s not how it always works so tonight, as I was sat there feeling bored, lonely and a bit useless, I wondered how it was that previously I’ve been able to break myself out of this mood. Then I remembered…blogging! At the time in my life when I felt lowest, I blogged a lot and read a lot of blogs so I’ve hopped online and done the same thing tonight. Blogging tends to fall off my radar when I’m really busy, which is stupid because it’s when I actually have the most interesting things to talk about and it means that I really feel the gap when the busy-ness hits a trough.

For me, blogs hold a special kind of magnetism, I can read about anything I want and engage with people whenever I want without feeling like I’m in the way. There are also those very special blogs which really give you a glimpse into other people’s lives, exactly as they live them. It’s like peeking through a window or looking over the fence and watching all of the other life options you have. I can make decisions about things I’d like to do or try just by picking up my laptop and consuming the lives of others. It’s not boring like watching TV is boring because it’s real and in real-time so you can feel a connection with the other world and believe that it’s attainable if you want it.

A lot of the time I think technology is to blame for the breakdown of our society but actually, what it’s done is reshape our society. I may not know my next door neighbour but I can talk to somebody who lives half a world away who shares an interest or hobby with me. I’m not alone, I never will be but just like I’d have to make the effort to pick up the phone or walk round to a friend’s, I have to make the effort to keep in touch with the people feeding me their blog-lives. So here I am, step one, remembering to feed the people who are relying on my blog life to quash their feelings of “meh”. x

Review: Luisa Omielan – “What Would Beyonce Do?”

Last night I did something I absolutely LOVE doing and it was all in the name of a friend’s birthday, I am one lucky girl! What that thing was, was head on down to the Soho Theatre to watch Luisa Omielan’s “What Would Beyonce Do?” It was so bloody good that I’m writing about it now!

As we walked in to take our seats at the *SOLD OUT* performance, Luisa was already on stage, getting her groove on and warming up the audience. It was refreshing to see somebody who was genuine, happy to be there and who looked completely at ease in her environment. I had no idea what to expect from a show with such an unusual name and I deliberately hadn’t looked anything up prior to going as I prefer to be surprised.

As you can imagine, Beyonce lyrics are scattered throughout the show and provide what is actually a really strong structure – I thought so anyway, but then I am the target audience of a single female, nearly 30 who has taken leave of her braincells where men are concerned on one or more occasions!

What I hadn’t expected was how close to home some of the threads would be, I’ve never seen a comedian tackle real-life issues with genuine emotion and then bring everyone back to laughter so effectively. There was no feeling that she was taking the mick out of serious problems because she was talking from experience. What Luisa did so well was bring to light all of the selfish and funny behaviours we all exhibit when we’re faced with challenges. We weren’t laughing at the subject matter, we laughing at our recognition of how we, ourselves have behaved in similar situations. In my opinion, there’s nothing better than someone who can make you laugh at yourself!

I don’t want to say too much more about this show because I want you all to book tickets and go and see it (Link to her website below). All I’ll say is it’s really energetic, it whizzes by in a flash, I could relate to far more of it than I’d usually like to admit and if you recognise this sentiment…go!

Man: “I love ya, but no. I’m not ready for a relationship. Why are you crying? I think I’ve made myself perfectly clear. I love ya, you’re great, but no.”

x

P.S. – Also go if you are looking for a relationSHIP – you’ll get what I mean when you’re there :-)

http://www.iloveluisa.com/

Merry Christmas!

Hello everyone!

I’ll be honest and say that it’s unlikely I’ll fit in another post between now and the festivities so on that note I have 2 things to say:

1 – Check out my sparkly tree on the right hand side!

2 – MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I hope you all have a super sparkly, indulgent time with your friends and family and welcome in 2014 full of optimism for what it will bring. (I will post again before 2014!)

Lots of love xxx

Welcome to My Scary Age

Helloooooooooooo!

I’m so sorry for my incredible tardiness in writing this post but there has just been absolutely loads going on! Since I last posted, (just over a month ago) I’ve done the following:

  • Worked in Barcelona for a week for Events work experience with a very well-respected global company
  • Had some epic red streaks popped into my hair
  • Been to Reykjavik for a long weekend with my sister
  • Had several job interviews, been offered, accepted and started in a new job
  • Turned 28 (!!!)
  • Put my Xmas decs up, completed most of my Crimbo shopping
  • Viewed numerous flats and houses and signed up to move with one of my best mates at the end of January

28So you can see it’s all go in my world, lots of things are changing and obviously I’ve been working Monday to Friday and living my “normal” life in amongst these things too. I will catch up with my product reviews, etc. soon, but first I wanted to focus on the fact that I have now reached what I have always called my “scary age” which is 28. Yes, I am 28. When I write it, it doesn’t seem quite possible that I could be that age. 28 is a grown up age, 28 is when people do or have done things like getting married and having babies; 28 is plain old SCARY!

Except it’s not. I’ve reached it and I’m not scared, I’m actually more excited about the future than I have been for quite some time. I finally have a job that I’m genuinely excited about, I’m not faking it this time and that’s because I chose this job myself. I did consult others on my decision but I didn’t feel obliged to take anything that I didn’t think would be perfect for me. I’ve also got the big move-in with a friend to look forward to which is fantastic :-) Mainly though, I just feel content. I’ve had over a year of not being in a serious relationship so I’ve had enough time to finally work on myself, shed some of those issues that have held me back and work out what makes me happy and how I want to live my life. There are no babies and there is no boyfriend, never mind a marriage; those aren’t things I’ve ever really wanted so why would I have them by now!?!

I’ve discovered a scary age is only scary if you think you have to achieve goals that aren’t yours by the time you get there. I still have no desire to have a baby, I don’t own a house and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m working on reaching the house goal but before I started that, I worked on reaching the happiness goal and now I’ve finally succeeded in that, I’m not going to jeopardise that by trying to follow the crowd. So here I am at my scary age, definitely approaching 30 now and I can’t wait to see what the next few years have in store. Bring on the fun! x

It’s Not My Fault If You Take Offence…

Yes, yes, I know I’ve just stolen a line from the Rizzle Kicks’ Lost Generation song but I think they have a point. Here’s what they say:

“Why is everybody so PC?
It’s not my fault if you take offence”

Recently there seems to have been a whole raft of popular blog posts which are essentially based on people taking offence to one thing or another and it doesn’t stop there. How many of you have noticed an increasing number of FB statuses from people moaning about something they’re offended by? I’m British for goodness’ sake, whatever happened to the stiff upper lip and not airing your dirty laundry in public!?! Ok, so that was a joke but seriously, have people always been so sensitive or is it just now that we have these epic moaning platforms that they feel the need to jump on any high horse that’s riding past?

If we really do live in an era and society of free speech then quite frankly, the person who offended you has just as much right to publicity as you do. Not only that, but why is everyone taking things so personally? Are people really so egotistical as to assume the “offensive comment / gesture / image” was aimed at them? Directly at them…by a complete stranger…really??? Like, really??? Perhaps people need to get a grip and understand their own insignificance a little more. What entertains one will not entertain all; in fact, some people might well find it distasteful. However, in my book that’s not really any different to the way that I loooooooooove chocolate fudge cake but my friend would rather have a pear compote or some other such vile thing for dessert. We have different tastes and like different things. This difference is what makes the world go round.

Yes, I concede that I’ve used a trivial example and sometimes people do deliberately set out to hurt other people. On the flip side though, it’s always up to the individual whether they choose to take offence or whether they just let it wash over them. You can’t really say somebody “doesn’t have the right” to say something because they do and most often, they already have. It’s done. If you wish to contradict their point then by all means do so, but stop banding around this”offense” that everybody seems to be taking. It’s not big, it’s not clever and nobody respects you for being “offended”.

And that was today’s rant. And yes, I did start a sentence with “and”. Twice! Deal with it ;-) x

When Should 2 Become 1?

CartoonHello and sorry for reminding you that you are old enough to remember singing along to the Spice Girls’ 2 Become 1 song! However, I think it brings me nicely to today’s topic…at what point should you sleep with someone for the first time?

Obviously I’m not talking about 1 night stands or people you are only interested in physically because I’m pretty sure the answer in those instances is that you should sleep with them as soon as possible. Why wait??? What I’m talking about is the people you meet who you think might turn into long term or forever types. I’ve not really ever given it much thought before but two people have mentioned it to me in the last week. One was somebody at the beginning of a relationship who was waiting in the hope things turned out better than previous relationships did. The other was a fellow single gal who said: “Apparently it totally changes the dynamic if you wait”. It was this that really got me wondering about “the right time”.

Those of you who know me personally will know that I have a very “male” attitude to sex in that I really believe if you both want it, you should just get the heck on with doing it! I don’t believe in waiting until the third date, nor do I think it’s slutty to sleep with a stranger / have a f*** buddy and I’m all for sleeping with somebody just because they are hot, you want to and it would be an achievement to get that notch on your bedpost. Before the world writes me off as terrible GF material, I should also point out that I also believe the best sex happens with people you know well and care about and if you say you’ll only sleep with one person, you should keep your word.

So, back to my original point, I haven’t ever tried the waiting game at the beginning of a relationship. In fact I’ve always believed it to be a good sign if you pretty much spend all of your time naked at the beginning and I place a lot of importance on sparks in the bedroom. Bad sex = bad relationship in my book. What puzzles me is quite how you build up any form of intimacy with someone if you aren’t getting naked with them. It’s not just sex that happens when you spend all that naked time together, you start to break down barriers and be a bit more open with the other person. In the chats between sessions you find out things about them, in the food breaks you find out what they like to eat…you get the drift. Personally I’ve never felt that comfortable sitting in a restaurant or a park or the cinema having an intimate conversation of any kind. Equally, don’t expect me to snuggle up on the sofa if I haven’t seen you naked, that just feels plain weird. (For 99% of the population, don’t expect me to snuggle up full stop. I’m nearly 28 and have only found 1 person I like to snuggle so far.)

Back to the waiting thig then, what are the bonuses of waiting? I’m racking my brain but I just can’t think of anything, however this may well be because I haven’t tried it. With my lack of will power it’s likely to be a man I’m not interested in that I try this on so I still don’t think I’ll have the answer! People who do the waiting thing, please enlighten me. I genuinely want to understand more about the mentality behind this and I’d also like to know what happens when you do wait, you start falling for someone and then you discover you’re totally incompatible in the bedroom. Don’t pretend like everything can be worked out, we all know some people just don’t do it for us! Talk to me, people! x